Very few parents or teachers believe any more that punishment (corporeal or otherwise) is an acceptable way of correcting bad behavior.
But many still do believe in a hybrid a "carrot and stick" approach, e.g. time out in the naughty corner for bad behavior combined with verbal praise and/or a colorful sticker when the child improves.
For other adults, taking a "carrot only" approach seems like an even better, gentler option. But as Katherine Reynolds Lewis points out in a recent Mother Jones article, experts believe that carrots and sticks in any combination are ineffective and short-sighted techniques.
According to Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child and Lost at School, good behavior shouldn't be programmed into children as if they were lab mice or house pets. Why?
Because when we try to program behavior we are not really helping the child learn how to control her own behavior.
In psychological terms we are not helping our children develop autonomy.
The best way to help the child develop autonomy (and thus control their own behavior) is not to program the child with reward/punishment schemes but to help them figure out why they're behaving in a particular manner.
The parent, teacher or nanny must help the child with this investigative process. Understanding her own behavior naturally promotes development of executive function in the child, i.e. the ability to control impulses and get yourself organized and on track.
At Tibetan Care we encourage all of our nannies and parents to follow guidelines set by the New York Office of Family and Child Services (OCFS) on managing difficult behavior in children. Similar to Ross Greene's Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS) model, the OCFS approach encourages first getting to the WHY of a behavior, and never trying to punish the behavior away.
Save the carrots for your salad and the stick for a nice long walk in the woods with the child where together you just might get to the why of the matter.